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Bowl Week, Day 1

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, this year. We here at UKWC surely did. But the gift-giving is (mostly) over and with only one week until UK’s AutoZone Liberty Bowl matchup, we have to take a break from basketball for a moment (because it’s just Florida Atlantic) and see what exactly our football team is doing.

So starting today and every morning up until the bowl game on Jan. 2, we’ll tackle an issue facing the football team before they go against the East Carolina Pirates. Today’s issue? The offense.

If you think about it, is there a bigger issue?

Let’s say the already doubtful Randall Cobb doesn’t play. That would mean UK’s top three offensive threats won’t play since Derrick Locke and Dicky Lyons Jr. haven’t since the field since early in the season. What does that leave UK with? An unknown Mike Hartline and talent but unsure levels of production from Alfonso Smith and Tony Dixon.

Looking at Hartline first, there is really no way to tell what will happen. The sophomore saw spot duty in the Tennessee game after being benched in the middle of the year. He didn’t look bad, but honestly, Hartline never looked awful. The problem is that with inexperienced wide receivers, Hartline’s solid, but never good play is exposed. Teams drop back in coverage, creating a near-impossible chance of completing anything. If Skip Holtz watches any tape, this will be easy to scheme against defensively.

Hartline reminds me of Louisville QB Hunter Cantwell. If he has good receivers, the kid looks All-SEC. If there’s inexperience, it’s ugly. Exhibit A is the entire season. Not his fault though. I half believe we could see an Andre Woodson type of evolution for the kid. Maybe we see it in a week.

Next comes the two-headed running back attack. Will Dixon end his career with an outstanding performance? Does Smith show everyone that Locke isn’t entitled to the starting job next year? We saw neither of those things during the season. But with a month to heal and practice….

And what about those young receivers? Does the month allow them to learn the system, find the holes and mature? Maybe.

One thing is for sure… the offense started bad, stayed bad and ended awfully. East Carolina can score on anyone. Will UK be able to score on the Pirates? That’s the question and worry we have on Day 1 of Bowl Week.

Just pray Cobb can play.

Weekend Observations: I Can Catch It Coach, Put Me In

 

What a weekend!  Madness, the loss to USC and Daniel Orton commits.  Quite a bit of happenings in Lexington this weekend.

 

USC Game and Quarterback Questions

Holy Crap what an awful game that was Saturday.  It was by far one of the worst games I’ve seen two teams play in a while.  Although the final score was 24-17, it shouldn’t have been nearly that close.  South Carolina tried to give it to the Cats but the Cats, being the nice guys that they are, wouldn’t accept the gift.  They knocked it away like a receiver trying to catch a Mike Hartline pass.  I cannot remember the last time I watched so many balls hit receivers in the hands and then fall to the ground or into the opposition’s hands. 

 

Now, I’ve seen a lot of people saying that Hartline has to be blamed and that the Cats cannot win unless he is benched in place of Randall Cobb.  I have arguments both ways for that but I continue to return to the belief that this team can win with Hartline behind center.  Before you jump on me with insults hear me out. 

 

Hartline did make a few mistakes in the USC game.  Some of his passes were not thrown where they needed to be and he did throw two interceptions that hurt.  However, I think he still gives this team the best opportunity to win right now.  With Randall Cobb still not completely healthy, I think it’s better to have him in only sparingly at receiver.  Plus, he seems to be one of the only guys who can catch the ball consistently when he is in there. 

 

The dropped passes have to stop.  I do not care if a ball is high or low or thrown to far or behind a player.  If it hits them in their hands they must catch the ball.  These guys are at Kentucky to catch balls.  That’s what they do.  They were not given scholarships to swat at balls and just get their hands on them.  That’s why we have defensive backs.  It is their job to bail their quarterbacl out and come up with any ball that is thrown anywhere close to near them.  Mike Hartline would be a good quarterback and this post wouldn’t exist if he had the receivers from last year’s team. Those guys made plays for Woodson and caught anything near them.  Maybe this year’s team should go back and look at the film to learn something. 

 

Another reason you can’t take Hartline out just yet is because the running game still sucks.  A defense that is not made to fear the run will play the pass every down until they are shown they must stop the run with more than the front four.  Part of this problem falls on the offensive line.  Blocking and creating holes have not been strong points so far this year.  If a running back has no hole to get through or the quarterback has to hurry his decisions, problems will arise.  Being that Hartline is very young, our o-line has to give him more time to make decisions and then execute them.  I think several of his passes that may not have been on the mark were due to him rushing to avoid a sack.  One think Andre Woodson had last year was time and he made good choices when he had it. 

 

Another factor in this weekend’s debacle was the fact that USC’s defense is pretty good, one of the best in the SEC in fact.  The true test of the Mike Hartline era will take place this weekend when Arkansas comes into Commonwealth.  If he has another game like the USC one, we should probably let Cobb see a little more time behind center.  If he excels, then he stays the quarterback and the fans should shut up.  It’s that simple. 

 

Dicky Lyons Jr.

We don’t know much about it right now (waiting on MRI results) but I think that Dicky is the type of kid that unless his leg falls off, he feels like he should be on the field for his team.  I wouldn’t be suprised to see him back on the field in a few games if no mjor damage was done.  BTW, why was there no flag on that play for a horse-collar?  So much for protecting players, NCAA.

 

Big Blue Madness and Daniel Orton

I was there and thought the players were pretty pumped and it showed in their performances.  Not a lot to talk about.  Everyone seemed tight at first and then by the time they got loose the practice was ending.  I’m glad to see Patrick and Jodie back healthy again.  I expect a big year from both like everyone else.  Meeks has one of the best jumpers around and should see a lot of shots this year.  I’m glad the crowd got into the recruiting mix with their chants.  As it turned out, it must have worked because Daniel Orton liked his weekend here so much he committed on Sunday afternoon.  Nice work Big Blue Nation.

THE CASE FOR RANDALL COBB – WIDE RECEIVER

I still realize this is all a bunch of bunk until he comes back in a month or so, but I am solidly among the camp of people who believe that Randall Cobb should play at wide receiver in order to maximize Kentucky’s chances of winning this season.

First things first, a quarterback needs lots of capable receivers in order to optimize success in the SEC. If you look at the recent Kentucky bowl teams, one of the big trends was quality depth at WR. The 98-99 bowl teams of Tim Couch and Dusty Bonner had Craig Yeast, Jimmy Haley, Quentin McCord, Lance Mickelsen, Kevin Coleman, Jimmy Robinson, Derek Smith, Jermaine White and James Whalen.

Those teams also ran a smoke and mirrors gimmick offense, but they had the personnel to do it. The UK teams that won consecutive Music City Bowls had Keenan Burton, Jacob Tamme, Dicky Lyons, Steve Johnson and Rafael Little coming out of the backfield.

This year, Dicky Lyons has been extremely reliable. I’ve liked what I’ve seen from EJ Adams, Matt Roark and Gene McCaskill in limited roles. I think TC Drake and Maurice Grinter have been solid at tight end.

Still, with none of the running backs being as good at catching it out of the backfield as Little, this isn’t enough quality production at WR. I’ve been extremely disappointed with Kyrus Lanxter, to the point where I’m convinced he isn’t even close to healthy after his wrist injury.

I loved what I saw from Cobb against Louisville. He made some good catches and looked great in the open field.

With all of that in mind, why wouldn’t you play Cobb at WR? Isn’t it common sense for a team to somehow get its best players on the field as much as possible?

I think Mike Hartline is wise beyond his years at QB. I don’t have a problem with him starting under center. Wide receiver is clearly the weakest position on the offense, so why not strengthen that position by moving Cobb to the receiving corps?

Joker Phillips has had great success using the middle screen. Of the receivers on the depth chart, the only one I’m comfortable with running that play is Lyons. Cobb might do it even better.

Plus, it opens things up for some trick plays if Phillips wants to go with those. I’m not talking that crap that Ron Hudson pulled when he lined up Jared Lorenzen at WR and Shane Boyd threw a pick. I’m thinking about the play Pittsburgh used in the playoff game against Cincinnati with Antwaan Randle El and Hines Ward, both of whom played QB and college.

Putting Randall Cobb in at wide receiver gives the offense one more big play threat downfield than it would have with Cobb lining up at QB, and the only way for Kentucky to reach its potential this season, the best players need to be on the field as much as possible. Injuries happen. That’s just a part of the game. Cobb got injured when Tony Dixon got shoved into Cobb’s ankle and rolled it. Cobb was blocking downfield on that play, like receivers are supposed to do. It wasn’t a horrific coaching blunder. It was just one of those plays that happen every day. If the people who complained about Cobb getting injured at WR coached my beloved (and 0-2) Minnesota Vikings, Adrian Peterson would only get about five carries per game. Wouldn’t want to get him hurt, would you?

I’m Seth Stogsdill, and I’ve made my case. So what’s yours?

Back to Square One

Wow, what a game right?

I just love when a kicker misses four field goals, when the running game stalls and wide receivers don’t know the routes. So when Papa Brooks says it’s time to open some positions back up to competition, I rejoice.

Let’s face it, Lones Seiber has been a problem for a while. I’m sure Lones is a great guy in real life. But he can’t kick worth a nickel. Time for you to go.

Tony Dixon, it’s not your time either. I know you’ve waited your entire career, but you aren’t a feature back. Alfonso Smith and Derrick Locke bring more to the table, namely speed and ability. You’re a great guy Tony, but time to step aside.

And all of you wide receivers, learn the darn playbook. This is silly. Learn the checks. You want to know what made Andre Woodson good? His wide receivers. Dicky Lyons Jr. can’t do everything, so step it up. I’m looking at you E.J. Adams, Demareo Ford, Aaron Boyd and Kyrus Lanxter. Step it up.

Rich Brooks needed to make some changes and I’m glad it’s looking like he will. The defense can’t hold up all year, as MTSU showed, and the offense can’t keep putting the defense in bad situations.

Change was on the horizon and now, it’s time for change. And now we can’t wait a moment later.

UK VS. NORFOLK STATE: MAKE MY DAY.

Here is a list of things that would make my day if they happened during the Kentucky vs. Norfolk State game.

1. Run blocking. Chalk it up to first game jitters, new starters or whatever, butt run blocking was a big disappointment against Louisville. To make matters worse for Saturday, Garry Williams had surgery to repair some torn cartilage in his knee and will be out for a few weeks. According to the sources I’ve seen, He should be back to speed during the bye week, which means he would be able to play against Alabama. Given the defensive domination of Alabama last week, Kentucky will need all the help they can get, and a healthy Williams will make a huge difference. Until then, Williams’ injury opens the door for the Cats’ younger tackles to get some playing time against weaker opponents.

2. Sweeps. I understand why Kentucky kept running up the gut against Louisville. It was hot, Kentucky had field position and the lead. It was a battle of attrition. It also didn’t get a lot of yardage. If the lanes were there for the backs to get to the outside against Louisville, they should be there against Norfolk State.

3. Derrick Locke and Alfonso Smith. Tony Dixon is good in short yardage situations, but he fumbles too much to be a lead back. Also, Dixon doesn’t have the breakaway speed that Locke and Smith possess. I’d love to see these guys get more carries, even though I understand why they don’t (Locke is small and Smith doesn’t pick up the blitz well). Hopefully they’ll get their chance on Saturday.

4. Enough of a passing game to keep the defense honest. Mike Hartline did pretty much all the right things on Sunday against Louisville. The one mistake, the safety, was more the fault of Joker Phillips than Hartline. He didn’t make many bad throws, but one was a surefire touchdown that sailed over the head of TC Drake. I think he got so excited that Drake was wide open over the middle that he just gunned it. Well, now that Mike has a college start in a rivalry game under his belt, he should be a little calmer during this game. If his receivers start catching balls, defenses won’t put eight in the box, and that’s when the running game will take over.

5. Continued excellence on defense. I couldn’t have been any prouder of a defensive unit than I was after the Louisville game. I have no idea when Kentucky last kept an offense from scoring. I know there was a shutout in 1998, but that was against Eastern Kentucky. The Kentucky defense wrapped up better than any UK defense I’ve ever seen, which isn’t saying much, but they did do an excellent job in that area. Hopefully Jeremy Jarmon will bust loose for some big plays, now that Myron Pryor has started to play out of his mind. If the UK front seven can control the line of scrimmage against Louisville, I’d like to think they can do it in the next three games.

6. Win the field position battle with special teams. This was the most surprising story of Saturday, even more surprising than the defense. Tim Masthay just killed kickoffs, especially the one after the safety. I think Louisville got to return one kick all day. Masthay and Ryan Tydlacka pinned Louisville deep in their own territory in the punting game. On the other side, Dicky Lyons Jr. had a couple of nice punt returns that set Kentucky up for scores. These simple plays win ballgames, especially in a league like the SEC where every team is so good on defense.

7. Win while avoiding major injury. Obviously injuries are part of football and are often unavoidable, so this might be wishful thinking. But it would make my day, which is why it’s on my list.

I’m Seth Stogsdill, and I hope Kentucky makes my day on Saturday.

The Prediction: Kentucky vs. Louisville

It’s about that time. I’m not content to wait any longer. I must do this.

I must make my prediction for the annual Governor’s Cup game be known right now. So here they are, numbered, but not in any specific order. Just treat it as a catch-all.

1. UK’s running backs will have their day in the sun. Historically the team that has won has had one back outrun the losing team. That’s been true since 1996. My prediction? For the first time in 12 years, that won’t happen. If UK’s coaches stay true to their word, UK will outrush Louisville and win the game. Just not with one back.

2. Louisville’s secondary was awful last year. I doubt they are better this year. Does that mean UK’s wide receivers will dominate? Probably not. Dicky Lyons Jr. might, the other guy? Watch for E.J. Adams. My prediction: Ron English can kiss my butt, Cats will still make big throws on the Cardinals.

3. Jeremy Jarmon will start not only his All-SEC run against Louisville, but his All-American candidacy as well. Or Louisville will double team Jarmon and Corey Peters will have a field day. Pick your poison.

4. Non-favorable UK prediction: Hunter Cantwell will have a solid day. Not great, but solid.

5. The game will be closer than I originally thought. Sure, UK has a running advantage, which will milk precious clock time. And UK has the better defense. But the Cards have a QB that can help lead a comeback. But in the end, Cantwell won’t have enough time to complete that comeback. My prediction?

UK 24, Louisville 17.

Rich Brooks finally wins at the Pizza Box.

KENTUCKY’S OFFENSE VS. LOUISVILLE’S DEFENSE

Kentucky will not be as good on offense as they were in 2007. This is a given. Andre Woodson, Rafael Little, Keenan Burton, Steve Johnson and Jacob Tamme are all trying to cut their teeth in the NFL. Mike Hartline emerged as the starting quarterback after Curtis Pulley was dismissed from the team, though I believe that Hartline would have been named the starter anyway. If you believe coaches, Mike did a lot of the same things Andre Woodson did during the offseason where he was expected to battle with Pulley for the starting job. Hartline became a leader and gained the support of his teammates. As Dicky Lyons says, “Nobody doesn’t not like Mike Hartline.” In fact, quarterback is not my biggest area of concern for the offense. Hartline is green, but by all accounts he has been very efficient. Also, watch out for Randall Cobb. I don’t think he’ll get any snaps at QB, but I do think you’ll see him on the field a few times, maybe just as a decoy by Joker Phillips to scare the crap out of the Louisville defense.

My biggest concern is wide receiver. Lyons is awesome and everybody loves him, but he’s not a #1 receiver. He’s a slot guy. He’s more of a possession guy than a slot guy. It would be like the Indianapolis Colts making Anthony Gonzalez their top receiver. Some guys are just natural in the slot, and with Burton and Johnson on the edges last season, Dicky got to play at his most natural spot on the field. Now he has to carry the same kind of load that Burton or Johnson did last year, and I worry about his ability to do that. More that that, though, I worry about the depth at the position. EJ Adams is going to start opposite Lyons instead of the injured Kyrus Lanxter. I don’t really know enough about either man to say which guy would work out better, but I do know that Lanxter is more experienced. Demoreo Ford is a blocker first and foremost. Matt Roark and Eric Adeyemi are freshmen, which means they’re unpredictable. Roark has pro size and Adeyemi has blazing speed, but who knows how they’ll do in backup roles in a game situation? I like Maurice Grinter at tight end. Nobody can replace Jacob Tamme, but if Grinter won the starting job over TC Drake in his first season playing the position (Mo used to back up John Conner at FB), then he must be decent.

At running back, I feel great about the good guys. Little ran all over the Cardinals defense last year, but even though he’s gone, Kentucky still has amazing depth in the backfield. Tony Dixon will start, but I’m not sure if he’ll get the most carries. Dixon is a good power runner, but he’s always had problems with fumbling. Derrick Locke is second on the depth chart. If he were three inches taller and 25 pounds heavier, he’d be #1 on the list. He’s the fastest back on the team, and his play in the games against LSU and Arkansas showed that he could take a hit. I don’t think Locke got one carry against Louisville last season, so the Cards are in for a treat. Alfonso Smith is probably the most complete back on the roster in terms of running ability, but he had problems last year with blocking. Moncell Allen is the tank. I’ve always loved his running style, and he’s so short and stocky that it’s very tough to bring him down. I hope he gets the nod in goal line situations instead of Dixon, unless Dixon has gotten better at holding onto the ball. John Conner is an outstanding fullback in all phases of the game. He runs hard in what few touches he gets, he runs a good flat route in goal line packages and he’s also a very good blocker.

At the line, Kentucky has three starters returning. Garry Williams, Justin Jeffries and Zipp Duncan all got better as the season progressed. In fact, I’m pretty sure Williams won SEC Lineman of the Week one week last year, possibly for not giving up a sack against LSU. Jess Beets beat out Brad Durham and Stuart Hines to take the spot at RG vacated by Brodhead resident Jason Leger. I thought Durham would have gotten it, so Beets beating Durham is a bit of a surprise to me. At 6’2”, 285 lbs., Beets is the smallest of the five linemen. Jorge Gonzalez takes over for Eric Scott at center. It was his job to lose going into the season, and he didn’t lose it. He should do just fine.

Louisville has experience along the defensive line and in the secondary as well. Ends Maurice Mitchell and LD Scott are pretty big for their position. I don’t remember Scott, but I do remember Mitchell from last season. If my memory serves me correctly, he lined up against Jeffries last season. Tackles Adrian Grady and Earl Heyman are seniors and are both very good. Both guys held their own on the 2006 Louisville defense, though most of the praise went to current Houston Texan Amobi Okoye. I don’t think this Louisville defense is strong at all, but I will say that the line is the least of their concerns.

Linebacker, however, is a huge concern. None of the linebackers on the Louisville depth chart have been credited with a tackle in a game. Linebacker was probably the Cardinals’ strongest position last season. I liked Malik Jackson, Lamar Myles and Preston Smith. I thought it was an incredibly stupid decision by Myles to test the waters in the NFL and not come back. He would have been huge because of the leadership that comes with the MLB position. Instead, the depth chart lists Antwon Canady at MLB and Jon Dempsey and Dexter Heyman on the outside. Dempsey is a junior, Heyman is a freshman (but supposed to be pretty good for a freshman), and the depth chart I looked up didn’t say what Canady was. If Kentucky can open up the same kind of holes against Louisville that they did for Little last season, these linebackers had better be able to wrap up. All four of the Kentucky backs are tough to take down.

Louisville has experience at three of the four positions in the secondary, but that was probably the weakest part of Louisville’s 2007 defense, so I’m not sure that returning experience is necessarily a good thing. At cornerback, Woodny Turenne returns, and if you’re a Louisville fan, you hope he’s better at defending the deep ball than he was last year. Steve Johnson thanks you while he collects his check from the Buffalo Bills. Bobby Buchanan and Richard Raglin return at safety – good if you’re a fan of alliteration. I didn’t think that Louisville’s safeties communicated well with the corners during the Kentucky game, and really during every other game. The Cards also bring back LaTarrious Thomas at safety, who missed most of the 2007 season on the shelf.

It comes down to this: I think Kentucky is weak at WR, strong at RB and right in the middle at QB and OL. I think Louisville is weak at LB and DB and decent at DL. If push comes to shove, I say Kentucky has the advantage when they have the ball, but it’s closer than I made it look. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about the offense. I have very bad memories of the 2006 game.

I’m Seth Stogsdill, and I’ll turn the tables with Part 2 either tomorrow or Saturday.

The Top 10 Returning Players This Season.

Earlier, we made a list of the top 10 impact freshmen this season. Guys who thought were going to see significant playing time or do something important. Now, we bring you the top 10 returning players. These guys are upperclassmen who should know it’s their time to shine, possibly after playing second fiddle.

1. Dicky Lyons Jr.
There’s no doubt that Lyons is essential this year. If Lyons shows his 2006 form, the wide receiver position will be solid. If he hides like he did last year, the offense could be in trouble.

2. Braxton Kelley
Kelley has big shoes to fill since Wesley Woodyard left, but has shown that he can do a good job after sliding over.

3. Alfonso Smith
Tony Dixon is the current starter and everyone knows about Derrick Locke, but Smith will be the key to the running backs. Forgotten by the fans, Smith is hungry as the spring game showed. Smith was the speedster before Locke came on the team and he’ll remind everyone of that.

4. Jeremy Jarmon
The dude is a beast. If he can disrupt half of the line and create pressure, things get easier for everyone.

5. Micah Johnson
After two years it’s Micah’s time. His success at middle linebacker could really made UK’s linebacking corps really really good.

6. Garry Williams
This tackle protects Mike Hartline’s blindslide. And Williams needs to make sure Hartline doesn’t end up on his backside often.

7. Trevard Lindley
If Mr. Lindley continues to improve and virtually lock down half the field, both on the run and the pass, it makes things a whole lot easier to scheme your defense. Would be higher, but we know Trevard will bring his A-game.

8. Kyrus Lanxter
Coming off injury, Lanxter is a tall WR with potential. If he can lock down the No. 2 spot, that allows UK to send all of it’s talent freshmen into the slot and no. 4 receiver roles, creating havoc for opposing secondaries. Lanxter is the second part of the WR puzzle.

9. Ashton Cobb
The strong safety could play an important role if Marcus Clinton shows lingering effects of his injury last year. A hard-hitter in the defensive backfield, the more he makes a TE or WR think about coming over the middle, the better.

10. Mike Hartline
C’mon, you knew I had to put the QB on the list. Although I will say this, if Hartline is less than stellar, it won’t kill the offense. Give it the old SEC QB approach son: just don’t cost your team the game.

The Daily Dicky.

I have never ever wrote a title that felt so not safe for work. But I promise this will bring you more joy on boring work days than ever before.

But finally, after three years of teasing us, UK Athletics has let Dicky Lyons off the leash a little bit. One of the greatest quotes on the team, Dicky now gets to showcase his goofy jokes and wacky dreams everyday. Where? Right here.

Personally, I wish they would really let Dicky say whatever he wanted. I mean, we are talking about a guy who have given such great quotes as saying other SEC corners can’t contain him, the Stafford dream, and now, from his media day fun: challenging Alfonso Smith to a race and saying why he wheres the number 12. To look out for number 1, without stepping in number 2.

But of course, you know things will be a little staged and controlled. But that’s okay… you can’t really ever control Dicky Lyons Jr.

I wish I could imagine other things we’ll see from Dicky this year… but that’s nearly impossible. Until then, we’ll be on Daily Dicky watch… and be glad that it’s not something we’ll get fired over.

Dicky Lyons Has A Dream.

By now, you probably already know about Dicky Lyons Jr.’s crazy dream, If you haven’t, here is the play-by-play from ESPN’s Chris Low:

So in this latest dream, a suspicious Lyons goes looking for his fiance and finds her at a bar. She tells him that she doesn’t want to marry him, and according to Lyons (again in his dream), he starts “shaking and slapping her” to get her focus.

“I turn around and Matt Stafford punches me in the nose,” said Lyons, trying to keep a straight face. “Matt Stafford goes, ‘You don’t hit women.’ Then all of a sudden, Blake comes and hits me, and I’m fighting all these quarterbacks.”

Wow. In the history of famous people having dreams… Lyons’ takes the cake. But it goes us thinking… what dreams are UK rivals and other SEC players having?

Steve Kragthrope
Steve stands on the yellow brick road, taking to Dorothy.

“You are so lucky Dorothy… all you have to do is click those pretty little shoes and say there’s no place like home and boom back to Oklahoma you go.”

Toto barks as JuJuan Spillman is seen running from the people of Oz, arms full of food.

“Sorry Coach, got the munchies,” Spillman says.

“I wish I was back in Tulsa,”

Tim Tebow
Tebow is in the heat of the jungle, a pair of snips in hand.
“I know you’re hiding… everyone must be circumsized…you cannot hide,” Tebow says.

A little boy is seen hiding under a bush, naked and shaking from fear.

“AHA!” Tebow pulls back the bush and sees the crying little boy…
“It’s time for me to earn that Heisman of Snipping. COME HERE, LITTLE BOY.”

Anyone From Mississippi State:
AWWW Ma, why can’t Porky sleep with me tonight? You let the cows sleep with me the night before?

Because, I bathed them tonight, Jim Bob, and I don’t want you dirtyin them up again. Go sleep with your sister… just don’t try to get her to do that dang no pants dance like you always try.

HEY JENNY… GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS….

That is all. And for you Mississippi State fans… yeah I did it just to piss you off.