Here’s all 12 SEC coaches, as various characters in 2008 summer blockbuster movies.

Steve Spurrier

Indiana Jones. The comparsion is just too easy. Both are old and both have seen their better days leave them in the dust. Sure, Indy comes out on top again and good ole Spurrier is somehow still respected for everything he did years ago in Florida.
But the fact is, neither Jones nor Spurrier are at the top of their game anymore. And they never will be again.

Bobby Petrino
Hancock. Hancock is a drunk, a public menace and someone that everyone loves to hate. I’m not sure about the drunk, but Bobby Petrino is two out of three. Arkansas fans are trying really hard to rehab Petrino’s image. It works, sometimes… but call Petrino an asshole one more time… and see what happens.

Urban Meyer

Iron Man. He has the billionaire playboy look. And he has shiny weapons (Harvin, Tebow) that make him an offensive monster. Plus, he’s known to build programs at his previous stops before landing at Florida. And he’s a tireless worker. He’s Iron Man.

Mark Richt
Harvey Dent/Two-Face. Before, Richt was always considered a good guy. Someone to look up to in the scandalous world of college football. Then the endzone dance happened. And the blackout. He’s not the man he was before, no matter what he says. He’s turned. Dent was Gotham’s biggest hope against evil and Richt the SEC’s biggest hope for a title right now. Let’s hope no one finds out either of them are bad guys. If they do, blame the guy below.

Tommy Tuberville

Batman. A man that is hated in his own fanbase at times. He has done magical things at Auburn, including an undefeated 2003 season. But the fanbase and administration try and turn on him every chance he gets. He’s never done anything wrong, but still.. Auburn needs a villian. And they have chosen Tuberville.

Nick Saban
The Joker. Pure choas is what Saban has in Tuscaloosa. The fans and media are mesmorized by him. They hang on his every word and action. He’s set on blowing up the way things are traditionally done… having his own Saban Rule and now webcaming recruits. Tuberville survives on Saban’s existance. The Joker rules the world, without much resistance. Sounds like what everyone thinks of Saban, who went 6-6 last year.

Houston Nutt

Wall-E. Left to clean up the mess at Ole Miss, Nutt is very lovable to the Ole Miss fanbase. In fact, he’s fallen in love with Ole Miss, after awful conditions at his previous employer. He’ll always run into a few people that aren’t a fan of him, but he’s in a better place than before.

Bobby Johnson
Maxwell Smart. He’ll never be as popular as Agent 99 or Agent 23. But he studies the playbook, tries his hardest and is very, very smart. And every once in a while, he gets lucky. But he’s always been the low guy on the totem pole.

Phil Fulmer

Elliot Moore, The Happening. Fulmer leaks a strange gas every few years that allows him to kill off his coordinators whenever the heat to win warms his seat. This also makes the fanbase want to kill itself, just like the people in the movie. Fulmer is usually one of the few who always survive, as proof by that big fat contract he just signed.

Sly Croom
Mulder, X-Files: I Want to Believe. Starkville wants to believe that MSU can be respectable. Croom wants to believe it the most. But hey, in the end, we know aliens and MSU football aren’t for real. I admire the drive, but sorry.

Rich Brooks

Wesley Allen Gibson, Wanted. All his life, Rich Brooks has been crapped on as a loser. Yeah, his life has some flashes of excitement, like the Rose Bowl (having a girlfriend), and some other stuff. But he’s always been known as a loser. Not anymore. Now he’s a stone cold assassian, picking off SEC powers one by one, year by year.

Les Miles
The Hulk. He’s big and has a short-fuse. Very questionable as to whether he’s good or bad, but he’s crazy too. So you don’t want to mess with him. He will crush you, if he can.